The Transformative Journey After Birth: How Mindfulness and Compassion Play a Crucial Role

By Catalina Uribe-Kling, LMFT

Compassion, kindness and mindfulness are essential tools to living motherhood

with wellness and as much ease as is possible. Becoming a new mother is hard.

Regardless of the path that brought a woman to the moment in which she meets

her baby for the first time, she is going to change physically, emotionally,

spiritually and mentally. 

Most women arrive to motherhood with many programmed beliefs about what

their new life will be like. Society and media’s portrayal of motherhood and life

with a baby is often focused only on the lovely aspects. Many parents only share

with expecting parents that a baby gave their life purpose or how they

immediately experienced intense love and joy. This leaves little room for the

many who do not have the same experience. The fact that it is mostly talked

about as only a magical experience makes it impossible for new parents to

honestly prepare for the new life they are stepping into. Moreover, this rose

colored glasses take on parenthood, makes it hard for parents to honestly talk

about their experiences once the baby is born. 

It is because of a lack of mindfulness that there is such stigma around accepting

that becoming a parent is difficult. Truly understanding the impact that having a

baby will have on our lives and our selves is impossible. Once the baby arrives, it

is hard to process and accept all the changes. Things move fast, it is hard to rest,

and time alone seems a thing of the past. In addition to this, talking about the

pain and many difficulties that come with becoming a parent is stigmatized. All

this leads to women feeling alone and believing that there is something

intrinsically wrong with them if they feel anything other than bliss. 

It is often difficult for new mothers to experience a general sense of wellbeing

and peace. A woman’s body and mind goes through incredible changes from the

moment she becomes pregnant. Those two pink lines are the beginning of a

journey that will force her to constantly adapt to change. Her body's magnificent

ability to morph is echoed in her incredible capacity to take on this new role and

try to do the best she is able to for her child, self and loved ones. It is a herculean

task to have so much to care for a baby, have so much to constantly catch up on

while having a list of to-dos that seems endless while being physically,

emotionally and mentally exhausted. All of this can create a perfect storm for the

onset of anxiety and or depression. 

Mindfulness is the ability to be in the present moment without judging what is

occurring or one’s experience of it. As a new mother, practicing mindfulness

looks like being aware of the aches, the joy, the thoughts, and the longings

without judging any of it. Allowing them to be, allowing them to take the time they

need to course through the body, mind and heart. Mindfulness is not identifying

with any of the thoughts or feelings. By becoming mindful of the new experience

it becomes easier to understand that all feelings come and go and that they do

not define who one is. 

There are so many thoughts, questions, doubts, and fears that invade the mind

of a new mother. Support for mothers after birth is essential for not only her

wellbeing but her child's and their community. The practice of mindfulness or heartfulness (as John Kabat-Zinn explains it) allows for her to understand that neither her self nor her

motherhood are any of those thoughts.  This is important because society is

tough on mothers and it is easy for them to interiorize the pressure and judgment

that is projected onto them by their community. If mothers are able to detach

from the outside and inside noise they are able to better recognize their true

wisdom and strength. With this understanding, it is much easier to be able to ask

for support and to stand up for what they believe is right for themselves and their

child. 

Compassion is an intrinsic part of being mindful. Being present with one’s self

and one’s experiences is possible only with self-acceptance and self-love.

Having self-compassion can truly help make motherhood a positive experience.

No one is born knowing how to take care of a baby; it is a hard job to do

holistically. Having self-compassion allows for a woman to witness herself in this

new experience of motherhood and see herself with love and acceptance. In this

way she is able to recognize all the strengths and resources she already has that

can help her and her baby. By practicing compassion she can more easily come

to understand that her desires and feelings are important and valid. Moreover,

she is able to hear her own truth more clearly. If she is able to see herself with

love and care she will understand that respectful support (others taking into

account her boundaries and truly listening to her needs) is essential and that

asking for it is her right. 

Mindfulness exercises: 

-Practicing mindfulness can be as simple as taking a few minutes every day to

focus only on your breathing. Noticing how your chest rises and falls with each

breathe and allowing for all thoughts that arise to flow on the river of your mind

without entertaining them. 

Self Compassion Exercises:

-Practicing self-compassion has a lot to do with becoming an observer of one’s

thoughts instead of being one who is identified with them. It is a practice of

observing one’s self, beliefs and thoughts with love and respect.

Note: I want to respectfuly acknowledge and include mothers who do not identify as

she/her even though in this article I have only used those pronouns.